Who?: My name is Treasure, a quirky queer lady, that passes no judgement, and believes that we are full of stories, some told and some untold and I’d love to share them on the new blog space.
I love to write, sing, and I’ve always loved stories. My grandmother Yvonne was a self taught artist, and one of the best storytellers. I appreciate how community happens every time stories are shared. Your stories will go straight to me, and all stories will be shared anonymously (Unknown Author). If you want credit for your story, please share your name/pseudo name, pronouns & social media handle.
What?: I’d like to read and share your stories. Feel free to anonymously share your stories in spoken words or audio format to the contact info below.
The Prompt: What is a secret or confession you’d like to share?
What story has been on your mind that you’d like to share?
What has happened lately in June?
1 Sentence. 1 Paragraph. 1 page.
See how it feels.
Reminder – It doesn’t have to be grand. It can be as simple as sharing your favorite book or tea. It can be admitting that you’re attracted to someone you haven’t told anyone else about. It can be that you prefer solitude while you’re part of a big family. It can be about your work, friends, creative projects, or even your current daydreams. Whatever it is, feel free to share.
When?: Entries are open Today 6/20/21 — Let’s create magic 🙂
Lately my favorite cup of tea is Oolong, this tea reminds me to slow down and be mindful. I need a warm cup of comfort as I share my thoughts to start this new week. I’m avoiding the inevitable, by sipping tea and writing this prelude.
It’s about friendships and like an overdue library book, I feel that it is time to check out. Now I’m sitting at the edge of my bed, wondering why did the story have to end this way? My father gently reminded me years ago, while I shared a teary eyed story about a childhood friendship that painfully ended, there is a time and season for all things. I heard him and I remember but I didn’t understand then till now.
You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
I’m turning 32 this year, I’m 5 months and 2 days away from the Celebration. When I think about my life right now, it has potential. There is a ton of opportunity and excitement on the way. I am working towards, freedom, growth, authenticity, building a family, and designing the life I want.
When I look at the friends that I’ve decided to keep from teens, my twenties and now past the 30 mark. It sorta feels odd and scary at the same time, admitting that I’d rather be alone most days. I remember when a close friend in my twenties told me, she could no talk to me, it hurt, I felt stupid and it taught me the same lesson my father repeated to me, there is a time and season for everything.
So I do my best to accept what is. I also do my best not to harshly judge my friends. I prefer to be accepting and non confrontational, until they ask for my opinion or straight talk. But that approach hasn’t worked in my favor, what is has done, it has made me a people pleasing, enabler, with a scarcity mindset. Sheesh the truth hurts. The thing is, I don’t want to be harshly judged, and I don’t want to be harshly judged by them. I’m realizing now that my expectations have been unrealistic, because we all need a friend who is willing to advocate and share with us the whole truth.
This is where I am now, I’m in reflecting mode. I’ve started writing a paper about substance abuse, and this is my last week of school and I’m thinking about friendships at this early hour into Sunday. There’s a reason, substance abuse is part of the story, I’ve struggled with my own addictions, and I’ve worked to find balance and join positive communities. It’s one of the reasons I like to move and start over, but that doesn’t do the work or solve the internal struggle I have to create boundaries and protect my energy.
At 2am, I must write and let these words out:
Why am I holding on, knowing that where I’m going requires me to use a different set of skills and spend time with a different set of people?
I’m scared that being alone will mean that I’m a loser that can’t keep friends. It sounds a bit childish but it’s real, and now I hear my mother in my conscious saying, your real friends will be there, you will see. T, when you are working on your projects and assignments, sometimes it requires you to be distant and communicate what your boundaries are, and when you look up, your true friends and supporter will be there.
What I know for sure is, when I move to my next destination, and we set up some roots, I’ll meet a new group of folks, that I’ll attract when I’m working on my purpose.
This may be an odd thing to write and share online. This might be something that one may write in a diary. This realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I know I’m not only one feeling this way. Friendships are necessary, they’re our family, our life line, our support system. I want to be particular with who I spend time and mental space with.
I go through periods, where I am not very social. I realize, that I do like people, but I am the type of person that sometimes clicks with people with one glance or comment, and sometimes it takes months to a year to have a long lasting friendship. However long it lasts, I am learning to go with the flow, and let go what is no longer meant for me.
I’d rather be solo or with someone who is working towards similar goals. So when I think about close friends, the list keeps getting shorter, and I wonder:
Hello Universe, what is going on here?You are growing.
What are the lessons I need to learn in the meantime? You are enough. Trust the process. Ask for help. Focus on the main thing. Let the spirit guide you. You are able to honor and uphold your own commitments.
How do I lean into what is happening and be still?Feel it, take a deep breath, write and meditate.
⭐Pretending and working against the flow will only make this process more painful.
⭐ It’s best to let it be, feel, process all that is, feel the feelings.
⭐It’s okay okay to sit at an empty table, and attract the change, by being authentically you.
I feel charged up, like an artist with a blank canvas.
I am free to grab all the colors, toss the paint, and make new messy art.
What to write about? – Just speak and the words will find themselves on the page, isn’t that why you started writing, to organize your thoughts?
I’ve created this space to write and believe me, it still takes courage. Part of it, is getting out of my own way, starting a writing practice, taking some time just to breathe and observe … there are stories everywhere.
Some of what I write takes research, and checking myself to see if my thoughts are current and create a safe space for others.
Then part is giving myself permission to write and post even if no one reads today or tomorrow. The practice of writing was important before I even owned a smart phone, all I had was a diary with a lock 🔐 , then I upgraded to a bulky desktop and now I can write on my online platform, and on my laptop or cuddle under the covers with my iPhone.
I’m married, living with family, my husband is studying in another location and we hope to reunite at the end of Summer. Life is currently slow and I’m grateful. I know it’s all going to change quickly and I’ll miss the quiet.
So now that I’ve slowed down my racing thoughts to count my blessings, what I’m grateful:
I’m grateful for peace and quiet.
I’m grateful for a space that feels like home.
I’m grateful for the warm sunshine.
I’m grateful that I’m healthy and mobile.
and lastly I’m grateful for direction and the upward track to completing my undergraduate degree within a year.
I know moving forward that I will return to this post and smile because even though I feel nervousness at times, I’m here now, so there’s still time, and that makes all the difference.
You can love them, forgive them, want good things for them…but still move on without them.
It makes no sense to try to extend a friendship that was only meant to be a season into a lifetime.
We’ve known each other since we were teenagers, and it’s been many times in our relationship that we had to stop speaking, we had nothing to say to each other, the energy between us was stagnant, and we both couldn’t uplift one another.
We would go through periods when we would reunite again, and then this weekend — I felt that our relationship had met the breaking point. A mixture of lies and realizing we don’t know each other. Time should never be the deciding factor of a relationship, and yet here we are 15 years into our relationship, at a tug of war.
Should I let go? Why am I afraid to let go? It feels like I’m giving up on her. I’ve been rooting for her, for years, wanting to see a breakthrough and help her through it. But it feels like I’m watching several seasons of Shameless. So I ask, when are you going to win? Will the underdog ever achieve a happy ending? It’s painful to watch and my emotional funds are bankrupt.
No one else can answer these questions, and yet I remember asking my Dad when to let go of a childhood friendship. Sometimes I ask questions and when I get the answers, I don’t like the outcome or the emotional withdrawals that I’ll face, and so for years I’ve ignored doing what I need to do.
Adult friendships take time, it’s putting your energy, resources and mental space into an intimate relationship. So maybe I’ve hoarded friendships that have been mangled, torn, and past their prime.
I remember a time when a few girlfriends had to let me go, I said and did some serious toxic fucked up shit to them, and there’s no other way to say it, because they slowly pulled away from me. We were headed in completely different directions and the best thing they could do, to save themselves and protect their mental health, was to walk away with grace.
Is it painful, oh yes?! It also reminds me that I’m not for everyone and everyone is not for me. Why is that so hard for me to understand? Ive struggled with the people pleasing, please don’t leave me vicious cycle. If I held my friend accountable and allowed her to hold me accountable, maybe our friendship would’ve matured, or maybe it would ended when it needed to.
It happened Friday and now it’s Saturday afternoon and I’m thinking: I don’t need to loved, understood and valued by everyone I meet or someone I once called friend. I need to love myself, I need to elevate myself and speak up, and be that friend who affirms and calls my friends out. I need to be able to have a friendship where we hold each other accountable, a true partnership.
I need to upgrade my outlook on family and friendships, quality over quantity. Friendships are not about collecting followers or collecting special edition Pokémon cards. It’s about being good to the people who are also good for us, to pour my time and energy into my community.
There are certain aspects of adulthood that I’ve been avoiding that I need to work on within myself and bring this aspect into friendships, and that is accountability. When we join a community, working towards a similar mission, the people who love you, will check in with you and offer advice (with permission).
My close friends should hold me accountable and be able to tell me when I’m acting a fool. I’ve avoided this aspect and because of it, it’s created this, division and a barrier that is isolating, the complete opposite of growth and character building.
The end of the childhood friendship has taught me, as harsh as this sounds, that letting go makes room for better, a clearer mind and infinite possibilities. It’s the best gift we could give one another. Sometimes losing something important, wakes us up and encourages us to do better.
Cheers 🥂 to knowing when to let go, protecting my energy and treating people the way I’d like to be treated.
“Don’t make friends who are comfortable to be with. Make friends who will force you to lever yourself up.”
I’m intrigued when it comes to knowing myself, from understanding how to care for my mental health and especially my body, all the curves and crevices. A mirror and good lighting has been the best way to reacquaint myself with the beauty that is me, the gold between my legs.
When a dear family friend and Educator, kindly asks to share a story, I listened. Not just any lady, a friend of my Pops. I’ve met her a few times, she gives the best hugs, she grips you, and hugs you like she wants to realign your spine, I love it, I could’ve really used those Mama Bear hugs in 2020.